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2003-08-01 - 12:47 a.m.

i played the opening slot at blunted tonight. it was good once i got the hang of it and even with monitor issues i seemed to have hit all the blends at the end. i'd play again if asked back. i need the experience of playing on strange gear in strange places. however for some who is really protective of hearing, i really need to get some musicians plugs if i am going to do that again. the low level ringing is ok. i don't want no paul mccartney going out of me fuking head shit, dig?

i am feeling a bit bleaugh right now. it could be the combination of adrenaline / ethanol hangover, or it could be the doldrums i have been feeling of late. i guess what is killing me is that i am not changing. by this i don�t mean not developing; i am constantly working and improving. what i mean is significant life-altering, paradigm-shifting, got-to-sit-under-a-tree-and-ponder-the-profundity-and-direction-of changes. i really must get the fuck out of this city.

heh, it occurred to me that people were trainspotting me. the word is no amtrack-head-on-collisions. this is good because i had no ideas what the levels were. even if i did have a record level md of the set, i would only have one channel on every other song. technical difficulties are the bane of the opening slot dj.

i guess i am drained of life and the randomness that gives me manna just isn't present. if i'm missing something, i just wouldn't have the space in my life to fit it in if i found it. but really the only thing i feel i am missing is the time to savor.

breathe in. it's going to be ok.

what i learned today:

1. i need these things. i have to write them more and perhaps i will retain my sanity. is it bad that my perceived connections to reality and memory are shorting out? i hate being old and slow.

2. i love my friends, but yo. they can be sketchy fucks sometimes.

3. before... right now, i'd be entering a monk phase. i really need one of those.

4. goddamn. i don't wanna bite, but that postal service/dnb mix is just so nice. its really about fucking time that indie rockers realized that you can't just strike a pose in front of a sloppily programmed 505 and be the end of rock and roll. the combination of sensitivity and phat beats is just sick ridiculous.

5. who am i kidding. i need dramatic and sudden change. its the fire that keeps my ass in check.


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